What I Wish I Knew as a New Parent

Calling all first-time mommies-to-be! This one is for YOU! My son is now a wonderful, delightful 3-year old toddler (if you couldn't pick up on the sarcasm on the "delightful" & "wonderful" part, well, I'm telling you now, it was sarcasm). No really, I love my son more than anything! But he IS a typical cry-baby, temper-tantrum-throwing toddler. However, he does listen pretty well, so if he is throwing a fit, I'll tell him to go to his room until he can calm down. For me, the toddler stage was not the hardest part of becoming a parent. For some, it is the hardest part. But for me, the hardest part was some parents' favorite part: the newborn phase. I figured I knew what I was getting into with having a new baby because I had read books, articles, & was very active in pregnancy & mommy groups on Facebook (which actually helped A TON, seriously, go join one). But there were some things that I was not prepared for that I wish I was. So that's why I am here... to help you new mommies get prepared for some unexpected turns you might face.

First of all, you WILL be in pain when you go into labor. It is not like any other pain you have ever felt before. I knew it would be painful, but I didn't know it would be THAT bad. I honestly wanted the epidural RIGHT away & I have no idea what I would have done if I had to go through labor without it. A SERIOUS lifesaver.

Speaking of the epidural, IT IS NOT THAT BAD!!! I know you're thinking, "Giant needle in my back? Not that bad? HAHAHAHA!" But really, they numb the area where they put it & you don't feel it. At all. For me, they gave me morphine in my IV until they put the epidural in & while it didn't get rid of my contractions altogether, it did mask the pain of the numbing shot to put the epidural in. I mean, the shot actually tickled. & I HATE shots. ESPECIALLY numbing shots.

Second, recovery is NOT going to be physically easy. Especially if you delivered a pretty big baby (Gary was 8 lbs 6 oz). You are swollen, sore, & exhausted. The nurses will want you to work on getting up & going to the bathroom not even 24 hours after delivery, & you will hate them for it. Also, they tend to come in & press down on your stomach to help get rid of all those extra fluids in there. If you didn't hate them then, you will when that happens. Also, the squirt bottle is your best friend because you will not be able to wipe for a while. & get a shower as soon as you can. You will feel fresh.

Third, recovery is NOT going to be mentally easy. This was the worst part for me. Your hormones are high when you are pregnant. So when you give birth, they take a drastic drop. This may result in you feeling some sadness, known as baby blues. The sadness plus the exhaustion from no sleep, plus the soreness & not knowing if you are doing a good job as a new mother is going to take a toll on you. This doesn't happen to everyone, everyone handles it differently. But I am just warning you that if you start feeling sad for no reason, it's most likely baby blues & it DOES go away. Now, if you start having suicidal thoughts, stop eating, or have harmful thoughts about your baby, seek help immediately! You could have PPD (Postpartum Depression) & it's NOT something to ignore. & if you do experience PPD, know that you are not alone & you are not a bad person. Having a baby takes a lot out of you & does weird things to your body, including your brain.
Also, I might include something that I learned while in the hospital... the second night of your baby's life is the hardest because they are trying to adjust to life outside the womb. I was told this by the nurse after Gary would cry every single time I would put him in his bassinet & he had me up until 6:00 am. It was frustrating & difficult & I think I cried just about all night because I just wanted to go to sleep.

Fourth, breastfeeding is NOT easy. If you have attended a breastfeeding class, you know that there's a lot to it. The baby has to latch a certain way, suckle a certain way, for a certain amount of time on each breast, then you have to pump if you want to go back to work, etc. Not to mention, society has been de-normalizing (is that a word?) public breastfeeding & it kind of becomes personal. Women get shamed & ridiculed for public breastfeeding when it's a normal thing & they don't even have to look. Granted, I was not comfortable enough to breastfeed in public anyway, so I took bottles. So we also have to deal with that.

Another obstacle that I ran into while breastfeeding, & is a real thing that was recently discovered, is D-MER (Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex). It is defined as negative emotions upon letdown. So right before your milk lets down, you feel an overwhelming wave of sadness & depression, then it just goes away. With breastfeeding, your brain is supposed to release dopamine, creating happy emotions, whereas with DMER, it does the opposite. 

"DMER is a reflex and cannot be controlled. It is not a psychological response to breastfeeding, it's a physiological response to milk release. DMER is not postpartum depression, nor is it a postpartum mood disorder. Normally, dopamine drops properly & breastfeeding mothers will never notice that it did. In DMER mothers, it does not drop properly, causing the negative emotions that last until the dopamine levels re-stabilize." These facts & more can be found on this website. If you plan on breastfeeding, I would be aware of this issue before starting just so if you experience it, you know what is going on. DMER is NOT psychological, it is a medical issue. When I was experiencing DMER, most lactation consultants had never even heard of it. Now it's getting out there & there is medication that can help it. I had tried to make the decision to stop breastfeeding when I experienced DMER, but it was not easy. Drying up your milk is painful. So, I just decided to breastfeed at night & supplement during the day so that the DMER did not have an effect on me, plus it was easier that getting up & fixing him a bottle in the middle of the night. I breastfed him until he was a year old & he weaned just perfectly.

& last, your baby will go through sleep regressions. & they are terrible. I remember when Gary was a newborn still, he was up EVERY NIGHT for a week straight from 1:00 am to 4:00 am. Right on the dot. He would just cry & not go back to sleep. I had to hold him, bounce him, rock him, & feed him for those 3 hours until he went back to sleep just to keep him quiet. As your child gets older, these will become easier. That regression was probably the hardest for me.

& there you have it. Those are all the things that I wish I knew when becoming a new parent. They tell you about the sleepless nights & constant feedings & the poopy diapers, but there are just some things that not many people experience, so you don't really know about them. But being a parent is one of the most rewarding things in the world when you watch your child grow up & become so smart!